Paper-thin
by Casset90
Summary: What if it was Gryffindor Fifth year Angelina Johnson (and not Ginny Weasley) who found Tom Riddle's Diary the year the Chamber of Secrets re-opened? Their exchange, in the form of dialogue for now. Rated T for language.
1. Notes

2 dried toads sliced & 6 spews of Evonesce = hair loss prop.

2 DRIED TOADS SLICED & 6 SPEWS OF EVONESCE = HAIR LOSS PROP.

WTF WHY IS THE INK DISAPPEARING ON ME.

_I beg your pardon?_

What?

_Who are you? _

Shouldn't I be asking the same question?

_I'm Tom Riddle._

Uh-huh. Sure you are. Fred & George Weasley, you better not be behind this.

_You speak of people I do not know._

Not even a tiny bit?

_No._

A tiny winy little bit?

_Not in the least._

You sure?

_Quite certain._

…

_Have I said anything worthy of suspicion?_

Not quite.

'_Not quite'?_

I'm pretty sure a talking book is suspicious in most cultures.

_I can assure you I am quite harmless._

Look: could you just stop, whatever you are?

_That is impossible. _

WHY?

…

WELL?

_I'm afraid I have no simple answer to your query._

Listen Shakespeare, I don't know what's going on here, what you're playing at or what you are, but I haven't got time for this crap! Please bugger off so I can finish my damn Potions notes!

_If that is your wish._

2 dried toads sliced & 6 spe -Aaaargh, I give up! Everything just gets absorbed anyway.

* * *

**You can expect very short chapters from me... but in great quantity! And hopefully great quality- but that's for you to judge. All inspiration/ideas/feedback welcome :)**


	2. Senior Citizen

Hey creeper.

_Are you referring to me?_

Yes, unless there's anyone else I should know of?

_No. I'm alone._

How does that work anyway?

_To what are you referring to?_

Don't play stupid or I'll flush you down the toilet. What kind of a notebook are you?

_A diary of sorts._

No shit, Sherlock.

_Sherlock?_

Never mind.

_What's your name?_

Why do you want to know?

_Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've conversed with another living being?_

This is really starting to give me the heeby jeebies.

_I'm not sure I understand what you're describing, but I can only sympathize._

What's your name again?

_Tom Riddle._

Right. How old are you?

_You could say I'm seventeen. Can I guess your age?_

You can try.

_Thirteen._

EEEEHHHNN. Wrong!

'_EEEEHHHNN'?_

Uh… A 'wrong answer' buzzer sound? Like on those stupid Muggle TV shows?

_I see. What is today's date?_

21/09/98 -why do you ask?

_I wrote this diary in 1943._

WHAAAAAAAT? But that was over…

_Fifty years ago._

Does that make you a senior citizen?!

_I'm afraid so._

Now I'm really confused.


	3. Snake

Still there?

_Where would I go?_

I don't know. Where would you go, if you could?

_I would probably remain here, at Hogwarts._

You'd stay at school? Really?

_Hogwarts is my home._

That's just sad.

_Where would __you__ go?_

I don't know.

…

Anyway. Guess what I'm doing now.

_I haven't the slightest idea._

Come on. TRY.

_If you insist. Are you sitting in the Library?_

Not even close. I'm getting my revenge on the Weasley twins! MOUHAHAHA!

_Is that your rendition of an evil laugh?_

Pray, tell me: how does it not live up to your high expectations?

_Forget my earlier comment. Would I be an acceptable accomplice?_

Sure. It's simple: I replaced their ink with toad slime. It evaporates after an hour, so TADAAA no more notes! And as a bonus, they'll get these ugly blue blisters that multiply if you scratch them. Positively disgusting.

…

What? Let me guess. Found any flaws in my master plan?

_I detect a few, actually. _

Proceed.

_The Weasley twins do not seem to be the most studious of pairs, am I correct?_

Yeah, pretty much- they always get failing grades and mess around and stuff.

_Has it occurred to you they might not take notes at all?_

Damn.

_What did these fellow students do to receive such treatment?_

Bustin' my balls.

_The English language seems to have evolved quite a bit since my time._

What bad words did you guys use back then?

_Rotter. Cad. Damn. Bloody. Swine. Snake. Hell. _

Snake?!

_Snake._

Speaking of reptiles, I was thinking: are you a Slytherin?

_Yessssssss._

Was that your attempt at humor?

* * *

**Not very proud of this one.**


	4. Chums

Riddle.

_Yes?_

I'm bored. Entertain me.

_May I ask what is at the cause of your boredom?_

A certain Professor Binns.

_Aaaaah. And what is the subject of his present monologue?_

Uuuh something about the goblin rebellions or whatever… I forget.

_The Goblin Rebellions? So you are a fifth year._

Uhm yeah.

_Not a thirteen year old, then._

Nope. Sorry to disappoint.

_Do you still refuse to give me your name?_

Padmé.

_You're lying._

No.

_Yes._

NO.

_Yes._

NO!

_Yes._

Ok, fine. Yes. How did you know?

_I could tell._

Huh.

_What is your real name?_

Angelina.

_Thank you for trusting in me._

'Trust' isn't the right word.

_Is 'Angelina' the name of a relative?_

No. Why do you ask?

'_Tom' is my father's name._

Oh. Well my parents are Romane and Quentin.

_Do they work for the Ministry of Magic?_

Yes.

_What department?_

Sports and the Grand Inquisition.

_They are both true wizards?_

Why do you care?

_Just curious._

You ask a lot of personal questions.

_Yes. Are you not entertained?_

I would never admit to that.

_I know._

You seem to know a lot of stuff.

_My teachers said I possessed a certain 'intellectual vitality'._

What, does that mean you're smart?

_Yes._

Smart and modest. I thought you were a Slytherin -unless you're a liar too! Are you a Ravenclaw?

_No. Are you?_

Nope. I'm a proud Gryffindor. And part of the Quidditch team too. Do you play Quidditch?

_I dislike team sports._

You sound like a right out party-pooper. Were you the unsociable type back when you were at school?

_I wouldn't say that._

Oh you wouldn't, huh?

_Does Professor Slughorn still teach?_

Umm never heard of him. What subject?

_Potions._

That would be a 'no' then. We have Snape now.

_Snape? As in Severus Snape?_

Yeah. You know him?

_I doubt he would remember me._

Where you chums? If so, Snape must be REALLY old and using anti-ageing potions.

_Friends? No, not exactly. I had already graduated by the time Severus was born. What about you, who are your friends?_

Katie and Alicia are my best friends. And then of course there's Chloe. And Jane. And- oh! You wouldn't believe it: class is over. Finally. ANyway, I got to go -we've got Astronomy next. See yah later, alligator.

…

BTW: you're supposed to respond 'In a while, crocodile.'


	5. Pasta

Guess what happened in Potions today.

_I have no idea._

Oh COME ON. Guess.

_Why do I have the feeling of repeating myself?_

You're no fun today.

_I wasn't aware of being 'fun' any of the other days._

Are you missing a chromosome?

_Not that I know of. Why do you ask?_

I think you were born without the 'humor gene'.

_I possess a sense of humor._

Suuuuuuure you do.

_I assure you, it's true._

Prove it.

_Knock Knock._

A 'knock knock' joke? Seriously?

_Knock knock._

Who's there?

_To._

To who?

_To whom._

…

_Do you understand?_

Believe me, I wish I didn't. Anyway, in Potions today Fred and George turned Clarissa's hair into noodles. And the funniest part is: she didn't notice until her friend finally told her, at the end of the hour! Why that other blonde waited that long to tell her friend beats me, but it left the rest of the class plenty of time to giggle and stare!

_Amusing._

And then Fred asks her "What do you call a fake noodle?", and she just stares at him coldly and then he goes: "An impasta!" and everybody bursts out laughing! Oh my God, it was hilarious! I thought my lungs were going to burst! George swears he saw Snape smirk!

_Did she deserve it?_

She's a bitch, of course she deserved it!

_It is wrong to take pleasure in hurting other people. Especially if they are innocent._

But she isn't! Why, just last week we dueled and she pulled a dirty move on me.

_You were defeated?_

I was not! Completely crushed her, actually. But she got me good when I had my back turned!

_Why did you fight?_

Because she was spying on our Quidditch training (we're playing Slytherin this weekend, remember?) for her boyfriend, Montague. He's the Slytherin Team's Captain.

_That remains a bad reason to hurt her. _

Oh! Stop being such a goody-two-shoes. You don't strike me as a Saint.

_But as a Sinner?_

Neither.

_You'd be surprised._


End file.
